Aso Rock can hardly go a full day without a showdown. At least someone must fight someone. It is as if we all would die if a fight hasn’t gone down.
Trust me, today won’t be any different because a fight must surely go down. If not because of who to fetch water first, it would be because of someone sweeping the dirt from their room to the front of someone else’s door. Crazy people.
I am not a superstitious fellow, but most of the time fights go down in Aso Rock, the day always starts as being bright, sunny and quiet. And despite today being Saturday when 90% of the tenants are around, the compound is still very quiet.
I swear I miss my guys. Since I have been banned from rolling with the boys because of my relationship with Titi. Everything is just boring.
But to hell with the boys. I enjoy Titi’s company and who knows, she might even get me a job.
Suddenly, my Playstation became boring to me. I kept loosing game after game and switching off the console to reboot. This is so frustrating.
“Sandra come out o.” A voice rang out.
Immediately, I could hear voices all over and sounds of doors and windows opening. I guess it’s about to go down again.
Ashawo! I heard someone shout. The voice sounded like Sandra’s. But funny enough, Sandra is an ashawo too.
“Are you crazy. You didn’t know Chief is my client abi? I have been working with Chief for over a year, long before you joined this business. Why did you have to hijack Chief from me?” A lady I know as Mimi asked.
From the look of things she is hurt, and the best way to deal with it is by calling out her friend.
“Keep quiet bitch! I took your man so?” Sandra asked.
Now this is crazy. Sandra is not even ashamed.
“Don’t you dare call me a bitch till you die.” Mimi shot angrily.
“You are a bitch. You do threesome, foursome and even anal. You are just a bitch to the rich guys.” Sandra poured out.
This is going to be interesting. I grabbed a shirt and walked out to watch the fight and acess who to support.
“Threesome no be big deal.” Mimi replied.
I could feel my eyes bulging out of their sockets.
“I fit take two men at a time, you take four separate men in one day. What’s the difference?” Mimi fired back.
I think she’s got a point there. The score is tied.
“The truth is na ashawo you be. Onesome, Threesome doesn’t make a difference. You na ashawo.” Umar, the official comedian in the compound replied. He is Sokoto born, bred in Lagos.
“If na fight, abeg fight o.” Segun added.
“Mimi, I don’t think Sandra snatched Chief from you.” This was coming from Tola, another of the career prostitutes living in the compound.
“So, Wetin con happen?” Mimi asked.
“From what Chief said according to Sandra. Chief got tired of you. He claimed he doesn’t enjoy….” Tola was explaining.
“Her pussy don wide. Jesu!” Umar cuts in as everyone busted into laughter.
Even Titi is outside. Did she just laugh too? I thought as I walked across the compound to where her apartment was.
“Hi.” I greeted with a smile.
“Is it that you knew how captivating your smile is and you use it on women or it is just in you to smile?” She fired.
“You could have told me my smile is having serious effect on you.” I fired back.
“What are you doing outside?” I asked.
“Decided to watch an uncensored public fight.”
“Welcome to the Mad house.” I replied.
“That girl, I kinda like her.” She said.
“Which girl? Mimi?” I asked.
“No, the other one.” She replied.
Well, half of the people I know likes Sandra.
“How well are you enjoying your leave?” I asked.
“Well enough. I get to watch fights everyday. What more can I ask for?” She replied.
If Titi thinks the fight currently going on is interesting, I think our conversation is even more interesting.
“Hunter how far?” That was Segun hailing me.
I replied with a wave before turning my attention back to Titi.
“Your friends, you no longer hang out with them, any problem?” She asked.
It will be uncool to tell her my friends ditched me because of her.
“I have been trying to get my acts together. My coming to Lagos is no joke. I came in search of greener pastures.” I replied.
She stared at me for a while. “You don’t have a job?” She asked.
“Not yet.” I replied replied truthfully.
I wasn’t even thinking about the lady in front of me. All that occupied my mind is getting help, getting a job, regardless of who is helping.
“Let’s not spoil the mood now. We can talk about that later.” She replied.
What mood? I have no idea.
“But I must confess, I see you as the only gainfully employed tenant in this compound. I mean, your decency, your looks, everything about you. Sometimes I think you are self employed.” She poured out.
Wow! All these for me? I think in Olamide’s voice; She has foh for me.
I couldn’t reply because the sound of a bottle being broken took our attention back to the fight. Well, you guessed right, Mimi don break bottle and while Sandra kept her distance, no one tried to stop Mimi.
This is Lagos! Separate a fight at your own peril, but sometimes you have to because if anything happens from the fight, you will not be exempted.
I excused myself from Titi and walked back to the fight.
The truth about people not trying to separate the fight is simply because of ethnicity and tribe. And just like Segun would say; if a Fulani man kills a Hausa man, no third party should interfere because they are brothers.”
I took that saying as stupid but it has been a principle guarding how we handle fights in Aso Rock.
Sandra is Igbo from Enugu while Mimi is Igbo from Delta state. They are sisters right? According to Segun.
But if Mimi should stab Sandra, we are all spending the night in panti, Yaba.
“Mimi, abeg free Sandra. Abeg.” I pleaded.
I could see the look of surprise on Segun’s face as well as that of Obinna and the other guys. First I broke the rules by becoming friends with Titi, now I am separating a fight.
“Sandra suppose be your sister. No dey give people something to talk about. Settle una matter privately.” I advised.
“Sandra do me bad. Akin, I swear.”
I could tell Mimi is hurting. Ashawo get feelings? I never knew sha.
“Sandra na my sister since my days at Ekpoma. I trusted her, how she went behind me to snatch my man is painful.”
“Give me the bottle.” I humbly requested. I could swear that Mimi was almost handling the bottle over to me, but Sandra has not stopped talking.
“Na me she carry bottle for?”
One thing is to brag, it is another thing to prove yourself. One question; Why did Sandra maintain a distance at the sight of a broken bottle?
Mimi sidestepped me and walked up to Sandra who stood her ground.
I guess I started the peacekeeping process and must bring it to an end.
“Mimi, why na.” Just one wrong move and all I heard was Jesus!
Okay, I have been stabbed. Next!
I wasn’t unconscious and I could see everybody running around to get first aid equipments to stop the blood.
“You see your life. The useless life you are living all over Lagos. Now you have a peace-loving gentleman in pains. I just pray nothing happens to Hunter, else you go pay.” Segun poured out.
Mimi squatted next to me and I could tell she was crying. “Please don’t die.”
“See as you dey cry, you don see now? Ashawo no be work.” Umar said.
To be continued