Ashawo no be work
Everybody misses hunter ever since he was admitted into the hospital and we all have been taking turns to go see how he is faring. Even though Mimi goes to the hospital everyday with different foodflasks and Titi always returns with news of how Hunter is faring.
To be honest, I think it is good to get stabbed once in a while to enjoy what Hunter has been enjoying. Or how do you explain a day which begins with Mimi going to the market and by 10 o’clock, you could her the smell of chicken being fried or sometimes beef. While you are salivating on the smell, you would see Mimi go out with a food flask telling you she is going to the hospital. By 2PM, Titi must have prepared food to take to the hospital as well and you would see is food flask. Obinna once suggested that we break into her apartment in search of food, but it is not a honorable act and such could make us loose our places in the compound.
“Guy, how far?” That was Obinna.
“I dey o.” I replied.
“You don see Umar today?” He asked.
“I never see am o.” I replied.
“The guy dey owe me 2k. You fit borrow me till he comes back?” Obinna asked.
Borrowing Obinna money is not a problem, but getting it back. It’s not like he is not going to pay back.
The first time Obinna played that stunt, it was with Hunter. After borrowing 5k from him with a promise that Umar was owing him five thousand naira, only for Umar to return and say he was owing him two thousand five hundred naira. Meaning, he only paid half of the money when he promised to pay back and the other half; only God knows if he paid back.
“I no too get bah for hand.” I took the easy way out.
“Baba why na?” He asked.
Though I hate to disappoint people especially when they need money, but the Aso Rock people are not the people in this context. Except maybe Hunter whose antecedents still speaks for him, other members of the Aso Rock are a no no. Especially the boys.
“I never chop today na.” Obinna said. “And I get some sure games for hand.”
That’s the problem about Obinna; sports betting, sure games. Yet he has never won ten thousand Naira at once.
“Ogbeni, you can’t serve two masters at a time. Food or bet?” I asked.
“Just give me two hundred and fifty naira.” He replied.
Even the Bible says; ask and it shall be given unto you. I dipped my hand inside my pocket and gave him what he requested for.
Sometimes, I feel like Obinna is going to die of Ulcer sometimes later if not now. Or how do you explain a grown up spending one hundred naira on food and one hundred and fifty on betting, in this Buhari period. When one hundred naira can hardly buy you bread.
“Make we dey go na. There is this canteen for the back of that Ashi club.” He said.
I grabbed a shirt and left the compound with Obi.
I have never been a fan of brothels and having to walk into one just to have breakfast makes me feel like I was heading inside to patronize one of them. But whoever built a canteen in the middle of a brothel needs to be checked upstairs. I mean, eating less than a yard away from sex rooms.
“See the bastard here.” Obi pointed at Umar who was making everyone at the canteen laugh.
How the guy manages to make jokes still amaze me. But just like Hunter would say; Umar is not really funny. He is just like every other guy in the compound. At one point or the other, you make people laugh, especially the ladies. But what stood Umar put is his accent. His Hausa laced accent.
“They are all a bunch of low lifes. And they lack self esteem. I mean, why patronize ashawo when you can actually get any girl that you want.” He explained.
Right from day one, Umar has been a huge critique of men who patronize brothels and he also hates the sex workers. Maybe because of his Islamic background.
“But getting other girls doesn’t mean they are not ashawo. We have girls who are born ashawo and they do not have a room in the brothel.” A man argued.
“Maybe you are right. But the issue here is the men, not the girls.” Umar replied.
That moment, two of the call girls walked past the canteen towards their place of business.
“See them.” He said pointing at them.
I could swear the girls heard us laugh. “Upon the money dem dey make, they still wear cheap things. See that bumshot, I swear na third hand.” Umar added, this time a bit louder. “Ashawo no be work I swear.”
The two girls stopped immediately and one of them turned back immediately; Sandra.
“Guy, which work your mama dey do for village?” She asked as she walked towards the canteen.
“Sandra, you sef dey come here? I thought you don’t do locals?” I asked innocently.
“When it comes to money, nothing is local.” She replied. “So, na you? Umar. Na you dey open mouth since abi? Umaru.” She faced Umar.
“Ashawo no be work, no be una dey find us?” She asked.
And Umar became tongue tied. I was expecting Umar to say something but he couldn’t even look at Sandra.
“I know sey you no go talk. Hypocrite.” Sandra hissed as she made to leave. “And remember you still owe me 2k o. With your dick wey be like banana. You almost killed me and you couldn’t pay.”
Did I actually hear that right? Umar patronized Sandra?
“Oga, but na only men with low esteem dey patronize ashi?” Someone asked as soon as Sandra left. “I swear, you don’t have any esteem left. You couldn’t even pay for the service and you are here talking ill of them, not knowing they have been doing you a favor.” Everybody laughed.
“As for me, I will continue to patronize ashi till Jesus comes and I pray that I have the money to pay.” This sounded like a knockout.
“Alaye, you owe me 2k o.” Obinna said to Umar whose face clearly showed his shock.
He wasn’t expecting anybody from Aso Rock at the canteen. Now, his secret is open.
“Shege, you sef dey here?” He asked immediately he saw me.
“I dey here o.” I replied laying emphasis on every word to let him know I saw all that went down with Sandra.
“How much be una food, I go pay.” He said.
We never begin the blackmail and he is blackmailing himself already.
“Give me another plate here. Na my guy go pay.” Trust Obinna to take advantage of every situation.
To be continued