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I am not a Feminist; You shouldn’t be too

“I don’t want to be anything, just a man with a heart
No feminism or ‘masculinism.’ Just a man with a heart”

Growing up in this part of the world; Africa, West Africa, Nigeria can be a little too much at times. Aside from the heated polity, the continental character of hate, tribal and religious sentiment, another very volatile is the issue of rights. Most especially, the rights of a girl child and women.
While the concept of feminism is alien to Africans, contacts with the whites have opened the eyes of many to the idea that you can be a feminist. You can fight for equality of both gender.
After all, what’s good for the goose, the gander deserves same.

BUT I AM NOT A FEMINIST.

I think feminists are hypocrites who only jumped on the bandwagon to grease their egos and fight for what exactly.
I am only an advocate for equal treatment. And not using gender as a yardstick for looking down on women.
“Behind every successful man is a woman.” Is a quote we all grew up hearing. We hear men saying this when introducing their wives. This is satisfactory in my opinion, being an integral part of your husband’s success. Playing a supportive and important role in his rise is a confirmation of how blessed you are as a woman.
But when the tide turns, when the woman is the successful one. And the saying usually goes like; “Behind every successful woman is a list of men she has slept with.”

This is wrong and evil!

How do we think a male bank manager got there as a result of stellar performances over the years, dedication and hardwork. But a female bank manager got there because she has slept with the CEO, she is sleeping with a member of the board of governors. She got there by recommendation from someone she is sleeping with.
This assertion is wrong by all standards and is demoralizing.
I had an interesting conversation with a course mate last month during a departmental executive elections. From all indications, of the three aspirants for the office of the President, two were favorites. It was a two horse race. One of them a young man and the other a young lady.
There were divided opinions, especially with regards to their competence and the pendulum seem to be shifting in favour of the lady. Now, my conversation with my course mate went thus;
CM; Duro, how far, who una dey vote for this election?

ME: Bro, I never know o. Yet to make up my mind.

CM: Abeg, make una vote John.

He handed me a miniature campaign sticker.
ME: Why should I vote John?

Hoping he would sell his candidate and probably convince me. But to my surprise;

CM: How can a woman be ruling over us.
With my eyes wide open in shock.

But will she be ruling or representing the students? Most people don’t know how powerful the office of the citizen is.
ME: What do you mean? A woman cannot aspire for certain positions?

CM: Why should they? When we have men?

ME: Shouldn’t this be an argument on competence?

I decided to play my usual aces card.

ME: So, your daughter cannot aspire to become great and successful? She can’t become a President?

CM: When her husband is there?

I would have loved to continue with the argument and cure him of his ignorance, but I had a Student Union Press conference to attend, so I took my leave.
That is a supposed elite. A future problem solver for the Nation and the continent. Already clamping down on the right of women on the ground that they are women.
Many of us are like this?
I don’t know or care about what the religious books say about women. Men may be the automatic head of the house as you people like to put it, but it doesn’t stop a woman from having aspirations.
You lots need to water down your insecurities a bit. A successful woman cannot lord over you. Become a success yourself.
I for one wants to have a daughter, daughters who will receive the necessary tools from me, carry on my legacy, become a success even before they meet their husband(s). If you feel insecure by their success, then you are not meant to marry them. Even if you aren’t as successful as they are, it shouldn’t be an issue.
I thought they said love wins, no matter what?
Men and women should coexist without one being at an advantage.
It should always be about competence and qualifications.
The debates about who opens the door, who pays when you two go on a date, who pays the bills for other things remains none of my business and shouldn’t be up for discussion. In my own opinion.

DURODOLA OLÁWÁLÉ. Y

(D9ty7)

Originally posted on MiccyDave’s blog on 8th September 2018.

About D9ty7

Durodola Olawale. Y is a young Nigerian writer, social media PR expert, social critic, business consultant and a political analyst cum diplomat. My love for writing dates back to 2012 when I first made an attempt to write a story. A dream I finally actualized in 2013 with TEENAGE LOVE NAIVETY; my debut story. Since than I have gone on to release the following body of work on the web and as PDF; Shadows from the Past - 2014 The Undercover Agent- 2014 All in a Circle- 2014 The Thomas- 2015 The Murderer- 2016 The Sextape- 2017 I am not a Feminist: You don't have to be too- 2018 The State House- 2018 I hope to never stop writing, no matter what.

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